


Breaking Apart

by beforeyouspeak



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bellamione Cult's July Event 2020, Discord: Bellamione Cult, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforeyouspeak/pseuds/beforeyouspeak
Summary: Sometimes there is no repairing things.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Comments: 4
Kudos: 112





	Breaking Apart

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In the Dead of Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228153) by [Stargazer_01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer_01/pseuds/Stargazer_01). 



> I’m not sure who I am this month. I don’t know that I have ever written angst, just angst before in my entire life. There are those among you who are terrible influences. 
> 
> This is for Lex’s prompt of “tea” and this quote: 
> 
> “Even now, as broken as you may feel, you are still so strong. There’s something to be said for how you hold yourself together and keep moving even though you feel like shattering. Don’t stop. This is your healing. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or graceful. You just have to keep going.”- Maxwell Diawuch

Hermione didn’t quite know where to start. It was surreal sitting across from Bellatrix with almost too cool tea between them. The lingering silence was deafening and it tore at her. She could see the distance in the dark eyes across from her. And in the pit of her stomach, she knew that there was no way to bridge the chasm that had opened between them.

“Hermione?”

The young witch attempted to shake herself out of her morose mood. She had always known this was a possible outcome. Bellatrix had been so hesitant to have anything to do with Hermione.From the beginning the older witch focused on all the things that could go wrong. She lived in the shadow of her past and never let either of them forget the ripples it caused no matter how much time passsed.

“Yes?”

Hermione’s voice sounded wrong even to her own ear. She knew that she was trying too hard to sound normal and impassive. But it was the only voice that would come out of her mouth at the moment. She struggled to fight off the cycle of her own thoughts.

“Are you planning to come to dinner at Narcissa’s on Saturday? She wanted me to ask,” Bellatrix said sounding distant.

Hermione thought about the invite. There was a time when she would have been over the moon to have the blonde’s approval for whatever existed between her and the eldest Black. But now she couldn’t think of a reason she would want to sit in that formal dining room when she and Bellatrix were already falling apart. It was one thing to sit here and pretend like she wasn’t breaking. But Narcissa always knew too much. There was no doubt that she would be pulled aside before the end of the evening, and that was more than she could deal with.

“Give her my regrets. I don’t think its a good idea anymore, Bella.”

Hermione could have sworn that the other witch looked relieved.

“She is going to interrogate me,” Bellatrix said with resignation.

Hermione had no doubt that it was true, but hoped that the older witch was more prepared for her sister’s questions than she, herself, would be.

“Tell her I have plans,” Hermione said coolly.

“And do you have plans?”

The question hovered in the air. For a moment, Hermione thought that Bellatrix might be jealous. But the moment passed quickly.

“Nothing interesting. I need to work. I’ve been spending too much time away from the office. I am dreadfully behind.”

It was the nearest truth that Hermione had. She was a workaholic and there was always more to do in the Ministry. She had once been known for working everyday of the week, it would not be the end of the world to be that witch again.

“Ah,” Bellatrix said with more relief than Hermione expected to hear.

“I’m not seeing anyone else, Bella. Even if this isn’t what you want anymore.”

Hermione watched the slightest panic cross the features in front of her. Part of her had almost hoped that the older witch would deny it, tell her that everything she was feeling wasn’t real. When Bellatrix stayed silent, Hermione knew she had been right.

“I have to go, Bella,” she said simply gathering her things.

She would walk away. She would save the dark witch from having to do it. She would let her go as she had always promised herself that she would. And she would do her best to do so with her head held high, at least where she could be seen.

“I’m sorry.”

The whisper was almost the thing that made her unravel. Hermione paused in packing her bag, but didn’t look up. She took a few deep breaths pushing back the tears that wanted to come. There would be plenty of time for grief in the coming days. She finished putting her things away and stood.

“I know. I’ll see you around,” she said as gently as she could.

Surely she could have handled this better, but she was emotionally at the end of her rope and didn’t know how to be any more generous than she was. She wanted to make it easy enough to separate their lives apart again.

It wasn’t has though many people knew there was anything going aside from the other Black sisters. Hermione wasn’t sure if she was grateful to not have to explain herself to anyone or if she wished to have someone to talk to about the ache in her chest.

Bellatrix didn’t rise from where she was sitting. Instead she chose to stare out the window as though she were alone. Hermione looked at her one last time. She knew that walking out the door would change her world again. She knew that she would adjust as she always did, though it seemed like an entirely too big task today.

Hermione felt the tears pooling as the door the the tea shop closed behind her. She had never been so grateful to be a witch and she apparated neatly to her apartment. At least there were no tearful walks through the city. She was still far too recognisable to get away with that without questions.

She set her things down and walked into her bathroom, leaving a trail of cloths behind her. She waved her wand to fill the tub and stepped in before the water had even stopped running. The warmth was just comforting enough that the dam of her emotions broke on her. She threw up her wards and a silencing spell so that she didn’t need to worry about company or noise. She would have to pretend to be ok in the coming days and she knew that she would implode if she didn’t let out some of the overwhelming emotional load.

She had known that anything with the beautiful older complicated witch would likely end with her crying in the bathtub just like this. It wasn’t for lack of effort on anyone’s part, but seemed the inevitable end. Star crossed lovers only had one ending after all. She couldn’t be mad at Bellatrix for being who she was and in truth Hermione didn’t want to change her. Letting herself cry until there weren’t any more tears, Hermione felt the ache ease into resignation. It hurt like hell, but she would find a way through. After all, in comparison to the war what was a little heartbreak.

She was shivering and realised that she hadn’t remembered a warming charm on the water. Rolling her eyes at her own lapse, she climbed out of the water in search of soft clothes and a book that would make her forget that the rest of the world existed.

She was sitting in front of her warm fireplace listening to rain against her window panes when the horse patronus galloped through her front door.

“Open this door right now, Hermione Granger,” Ginny’s slightly distorted voice sounded in her quiet living room.

With a lazy flick of her wand, Hermione lowered the wards and opened the front door. She turned to see Harry and Ginny with take away in hand.

“Hi,” she said quietly. She wasn’t entirely sure why they were here, but turning them away would never have worked. At the point Ginny pulled out the patronus, it was better to just go along with whatever she wanted.

“We heard that you might be in need of your friends tonight,” Harry said gently.

His green eyes were knowing and compassionate as they always were. Hermione couldn’t deny such a kind offer from her best friends.

“You don’t have to be alone,” Ginny added.

Hermione nodded, but didn’t move. They settled into the couch on either side of her and started unpacking the food around her. Harry handed her a fork and her favourite dish before picking up his own.

“I am sorry you thought we didn’t know and that you couldn’t talk to us,” Ginny said breaking the silence.

“We will always support you,” Harry echoed with a mouth full of food.

“I know,” Hermione said trying to remember all of the reasons why she kept the entanglement a secret. “It was too much pressure to consider letting others know. I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered in the end. It wasn’t sustainable for her. She has been through too much. And frankly being with a younger muggleborn is so in conflict with everything about her upbringing, I can’t really be surprised.”

“But that doesn’t stop the heartache, does it,” Harry asked gently.

“No,” Hermione laughed mirthlessly. “Please don’t think I didn’t know the risks.”

“We never would,” Ginny reassured. “You are the smartest witch we have ever met.”

“You don’t think I’m an idiot?”

“No, Hermione. You are still the brave gryffindor you have always been. We love you no matter what,” Harry said not missing a beat.

Hermione could feel the tears welling up again and was immediately surrounded by the arms of her best friends. It eased the ache more than she had hoped that it might. She let herself sink into the depth of the comfort. She knew she wouldn’t drown in the sadness, even though she would doubtless live in its presence in the coming days.


End file.
